Hiring someone to work inside your home is one of the most personal decisions you will ever make. Unlike a corporate hire, this person will share your private space, interact with your family, and handle your most sensitive routines. A strong resume and a polished interview only tell part of the story. Reference checks fill in the rest, and they are the single best tool you have to protect your household before extending an offer.
Contact The Calendar Group to work with a staffing team that conducts thorough reference checks on every candidate we present.
Why Reference Checks Matter for Household Employees
A household employee works in close proximity to your family, your belongings, and your daily life. Whether you are bringing on a nanny, a household manager, an estate manager, or a private chef, the stakes are higher than in a typical office setting. A poor hire in a corporate environment might slow a project down. A poor hire in your home can disrupt your family’s sense of safety and comfort.
Reference checks help you verify what a candidate claims about their experience. They also give you a window into how that person actually performed on the job, how they handled conflict, and whether past employers would hire them again. According to the Society for Human Resource Management (SHRM), roughly 53% of job applications contain inaccurate information. In a household setting, even small inaccuracies about job duties or dates of employment can signal larger issues with honesty.
For high-net-worth families managing multiple household staff roles, skipping reference checks introduces risk that is completely avoidable. Taking an extra 30 to 60 minutes to make a few calls can save you months of frustration and the cost of replacing a bad hire.
When to Conduct Reference Checks in the Hiring Process
Reference checks work best after you have completed initial interviews but before you make a final offer. At this stage, you already know the candidate has the right skills and personality on paper. What you need now is third-party confirmation.
Here is the ideal sequence for household hiring:
- Screen resumes and applications to create a shortlist
- Conduct first-round interviews (phone or video) to assess communication and fit
- Hold in-person or working interviews in your home or office
- Run reference checks on your top one or two candidates
- Complete background screening (criminal, driving, identity verification)
- Extend the offer with confidence
Many families make the mistake of running reference checks and background screenings at the same time. While there is some overlap, these serve different purposes. A background check verifies factual records. A reference check reveals character, work habits, and interpersonal dynamics. Both are necessary, but they answer different types of concerns.
Who Should You Contact as References?
Not all references carry equal weight. The most valuable reference comes from a previous employer who directly supervised the candidate in a household or estate setting. Here is a breakdown of the best reference sources, ranked by reliability:
- Direct household employers (principals): These individuals had the candidate living or working in their home. Their feedback is the most relevant because it reflects the exact environment your hire will be entering.
- Household managers or estate managers: If the candidate reported to a household or estate manager rather than the family directly, this person can speak to day-to-day performance and reliability.
- Staffing agency contacts: A reputable domestic staffing agency that placed the candidate previously can offer insight into how the placement went and whether any issues arose.
- Personal references: Friends, neighbors, or community contacts can speak to character but should never replace professional references. Use these as supplementary data points, not primary ones.
Aim to speak with at least two to three professional references. If a candidate cannot provide that many, ask why. A long career in private staffing with no reachable references is a significant red flag.
What to Cover During a Household Employee Reference Check
The most productive reference calls follow a clear structure. Prepare your topics in advance and keep the conversation focused. Here are the key areas to cover:
Employment Verification
Start with the basics. Confirm the candidate’s job title, dates of employment, and primary duties. Compare what the reference tells you with what the candidate listed on their resume. Discrepancies in dates or responsibilities are worth noting.
Work Performance and Reliability
Ask about the candidate’s punctuality, attendance, and ability to complete tasks without constant oversight. For household roles, independence and self-direction are particularly important because most household employees work without a traditional manager looking over their shoulder.
Interpersonal Skills and Household Fit
Household employment is uniquely personal. The candidate needs to fit into your family’s culture, routines, and communication style. Ask the reference how the candidate interacted with family members, children, guests, and other staff. Did they adapt to the family’s preferences, or did they need frequent correction?
This is also a good time to discuss the concept of chemistry in household staffing. The best employees are not only skilled but also naturally aligned with the family’s pace and values.
Discretion and Confidentiality
For high-net-worth families, privacy is non-negotiable. Ask the reference directly whether the candidate maintained confidentiality about family matters, schedules, finances, and household details. This is especially critical for roles like household managers, personal aides, and estate staff who have access to sensitive information. Establishing clear confidentiality expectations for household staff before employment begins adds another layer of protection beyond the reference check itself.
Reason for Departure
Understanding why a candidate left their previous position tells you a lot. Was it a mutual parting due to relocation? Did the family’s needs change? Or was there friction that led to termination? The reference’s tone and detail here often reveal more than the words themselves.
Work with The Calendar Group and let our team handle the in-depth reference process for you, so you can focus on finding the right fit for your family.
How to Spot Red Flags During Reference Calls
Not every red flag is obvious. Some of the most telling warning signs come through in what a reference does not say, or how they hesitate before answering. Watch for these patterns:
- Vague or generic praise: Statements like “they were fine” or “no complaints” without specific examples suggest the reference is being diplomatic about a mediocre experience.
- Reluctance to elaborate: If a reference keeps answers short and avoids follow-up details, they may be avoiding negative feedback.
- Conflicting details: When the reference’s account of dates, duties, or reasons for leaving does not match the candidate’s version, investigate further.
- Unwillingness to rehire: One of the most direct indicators is whether the reference would hire the candidate again. A hesitation or “no” here is a clear signal.
- Pattern of short tenures: If multiple references confirm that the candidate stayed less than a year in each role, explore whether there is a pattern of conflict or instability.
Trust your instincts during these calls. If something feels off, it usually is. One lukewarm reference in an otherwise strong set might not be disqualifying, but two or three should give you serious pause.
Reference Checks vs. Background Screenings: What Is the Difference?
Families often confuse reference checks with background screenings, but these are two distinct steps in the vetting process.
| Factor | Reference Check | Background Screening |
|---|---|---|
| What it verifies | Work performance, character, interpersonal fit | Criminal history, identity, driving records, credit |
| Source | Former employers, supervisors, colleagues | Third-party screening companies, public records |
| Format | Phone conversation or written response | Formal report |
| Best for | Assessing cultural fit and daily reliability | Verifying legal and factual records |
| Typical cost | Free (your time) | $50 to $200+ depending on scope |
A thorough hiring process includes both. Reference checks give you the qualitative picture. Background screenings give you the factual baseline. Neither replaces the other. For families considering the pros and cons of managing this process independently, our guide on staffing agency vs. independent hiring lays out the key differences.
Best Practices for Conducting Reference Checks
To get the most honest and useful information from reference calls, follow these guidelines:
- Call, do not email: Phone conversations reveal tone, hesitation, and enthusiasm in ways that written responses cannot. A reference who lights up when talking about a candidate is telling you something valuable.
- Explain the role: Before asking about the candidate, briefly describe the position you are filling. This helps the reference frame their answers around what matters to you.
- Ask open-ended prompts: Instead of yes-or-no topics, use prompts like “Tell me about a time when…” or “Describe how they handled…” to get detailed, specific responses.
- Take notes during the call: Document exact phrases and key points. You will want these details when comparing candidates later.
- Respect confidentiality: Assure the reference that their feedback will be kept private. This encourages candor.
- Verify the reference is real: Cross-check the reference’s identity against LinkedIn, company directories, or other public sources. Unfortunately, fabricated references do happen in the staffing industry.
Ready to hire with confidence? Reach out to The Calendar Group for a staffing consultation, and we will guide you through every step of the reference and vetting process.
How a Staffing Agency Strengthens the Reference Process
When you work with an experienced private household staffing agency, reference checks become far more thorough. Here is why:
- Industry relationships: Agencies like The Calendar Group have spent over 22 years building networks within the household staffing world. Our team knows how to reach verified references and how to interpret the nuances of feedback in this niche.
- Structured vetting process: Every candidate presented to you has already passed multiple rounds of reference checks, screening steps, and in-depth interviews before you ever see their profile.
- Confidentiality expertise: We understand the privacy needs of high-net-worth families. Our process is built to protect your identity and household details throughout the hiring process.
- 6-month replacement guarantee: If a placement does not work out, we stand behind our vetting with a replacement guarantee, giving you an added layer of security.
The Calendar Group was founded by Nathalie and Steven Laitmon, who bring combined backgrounds in human capital consulting (Deloitte, Ernst and Young, Cornell ILR) and employment law (Cardozo Law). This unique expertise shapes every reference check and candidate evaluation we conduct.
Common Concerns About Household Reference Checks
How many references should I check for a household employee?
Two to three professional references is the standard. For roles with high trust requirements, such as a live-in nanny or household manager, consider speaking with four or more former employers to build a complete picture of the candidate’s track record.
Can I ask a reference whether the candidate was ever terminated?
Yes, you can ask about the circumstances of departure. Most references will share this information if asked directly and respectfully. If they decline to answer, that silence can also be informative. Focus on whether the reference would work with the candidate again.
What if a candidate only has one reference from a household role?
Newer household employees may have limited domestic references. In that case, ask for references from other professional settings that involved trust, close personal contact, or caregiving. Supplement with a more detailed working interview in your home. Learn more about how to interview household staff effectively.
Should I check references myself or let a staffing agency handle it?
Both approaches work, but a staffing agency with household expertise knows exactly what signals to listen for. Agencies also have access to broader networks that make it easier to verify information. If you choose to handle references yourself, follow a structured format so you cover all the critical areas consistently.
Protect Your Household with Thorough Reference Checks
Reference checks are not a formality. They are the foundation of a safe and successful household hire. By speaking directly with former employers, verifying key details, and watching for red flags, you give yourself the information needed to make a confident decision.
Whether you are hiring your first household employee or adding to a fully staffed estate, the reference check process deserves the same care and attention you bring to every other part of your home life.
